The Awakening

Hope I won’t be harsh but you asked for honesty so if it pops into my head I’m going to write it down to be fair to you <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>.
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" title="Bullet; Red"/>Pro's:
First off I love the title and how it has a personal meaning to you. Stories that have a personal meaning to the artist evoke more of a response and more emotion from readers. If you can evoke emotion then you are doing something right. The stories plot has been written very well. I assume pieces of this are symbolic of what really happened so even if this piece had nothing to do with your life you still have a very interesting story to tell. Very chilling and leaving people on edge wanting more.
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="" title="Bullet; Red"/>Con's:
The first thing I noticed is in the first sentence “This is an Awakening, Of a pain that has run very deep.” Awakening should not be capitalized, even if you are trying to bring emphasis to the title. It sounds like your referring to a book or something instead of an event in your life. The next thing in your sentence is the words “awakening” and “of” do not need to be separated by a comma. A comma should be used to connect two thoughts into one sentence as to where you used it is one conjoining thought unnecessarily broken into two halves. The next thing I notice is part of a sentence farther down were it ways “locked away for years, for protection I think.” The last half “for protection I think” almost feels as a random thought strangely connected to the end of that sentence, like a last second thought. You may try something more like “I believe this to be for her protection.” A separate sentence from “locked away for years.” The Next thing I see is the sentence just below it “And as she stands in front of me. NEVER start a sentence with “and”. It is just bad literature no matter how you look at it. Try “As she stands in front of me.” Last thing I see is where it says “Proof is when I ask her name All she does is point at me” you might consider putting a period between the two sentences or put the word and between them.

All small mistakes easily fixed. I hope this critique helps and maybe makes you think a bit more about the ways you can go about making a sentence and how you connect and disconnect the thoughts you make it up with.
Overall I give it a B+ <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>