That wicked smile

I sit here watching the world pass me by,
As I contemplate, leaving this world behind.
Please I don't want to hear another word,
All you'll do is lie.
"Don't tell anyone or you'll get daddy in trouble and you don't want that do you?"
I nodded meekly, and then played my part.
Those words he said will always and forever haunt my mind.
When I die,
I wonder if they'll say I didn't try
Or maybe they'll all just cry.
I don't want them to cry,
I want a  little part of them to die too.
Does that sound really narcissistic?
Does that sound really pessimistic?
Doesn't really matter,
Not after so long.
Those bruises have come and gone,
My scars have deepened and faded.
So now as I look back on my life,
I have to admit the cons out weigh the pros.
I'll stand up,
Walking to the edge of the building,
I glance down at the world below.
Taking one last breath
"Goodbye world. I am leaving you with your pain and worries.
With you dead and dying.
With your evil and corrupt.
I am leaving you all to this sweet cesspool called life.
Good luck."
I smile and jump
Only to wake up to my abuser….
He's smiling,
And  I find myself wondering why?
Why… why is this okay,
why do you tell me this is how dad's show their love,
Why do you have that wicked smile that only I can see?