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Submitted on
September 16, 2010
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I am a daughter
  To a father who is a pedophile and a mother who didn't protect me
I am a sister
  To six siblings, five sisters and one brother
I am a mother
   To my little boy, who is my reason to keep on living
I come from physical abuse
   Years by the hands of a step father who hated me, and a mother who just  watched from the distance
I come from mental and emotional abuse
   Loved one second, hated another, and told over and over again how bad, worthless, and unneeded I am
I come from sexual abuse
   Scary nights learning things I shouldn't of learned so young , no one believing me till the FBI came
I locked away the pain
   And started cutting
I stopped smiling
   And learned to fake my way though life
I am not my father, I am not my mother
   But my biggest fear is that deep down I am
I wished for death and attempted so many times
  The grim reaper must really hate me
I am not religious
   God has forsaken me years ago
I have watched my own blood flow
  And sometimes that self inflicted pain is what got me though my day
I don't know what true love is
   But I can pretend
I have Post Traumatic stress and chronic depression
   Fun huh?
I try my best to do what's right for my son
   But sometimes I wonder if I am what's right for him
I self mutilate, I get depressed, I get emotional, I get suicidal
  If I medicate all I can do is sleep, so I stress trying to do it on my own
I know next time I drive down the highway I'll think
  If only my son wasn't with me….I'd close my eyes and say my last goodbyes
my story in short, yes i have PTSD and Chronic Depression along with a few borderline things but those might not count for much.

The past is the past for a reason, but sometimes the past is what haunts us most.
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:iconglowingradiance:
GlowingRadiance Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Just to make you feel better, I'm a chronic depression patient as well.
And it took me years (this year) to finally understand my own situation.
I'm still trying my best to heal myself out of it.

I forget everything.


I ran away from home.
I ask many people.
I got a few men who cheated me.

But later, I found out that God loves me just the way I am.
He hears me.
He loves me.
He grants me everything (for now I am very grateful that my skills increase
in a very rapid way in just almost one year of practice and reading).

And you, are a being that is wholesome at heart.
Because through your pain and sorrow, you still offer unconditional love towards your son.

Which makes you a whole, human being again.

And in that way, God doesn't forsake you.
Because here I am, trying my best to comfort you.

Oh and I'll drop by again cause I love hearing people sharing their pain.
(If that doesn't bother you.)

Love, from a soul whose heart had finally found a way towards happiness.


<3
Reply
:iconindictedpieces:
IndictedPieces Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
*hugs*
Reply
:iconlostkudzu:
LostKudzu Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a sadly beautiful poem.
But never, ever think that God has forsaken you.
God hears the prayers of those who need him.
Just know that he is there, and that you have a child who loves you. This is true love. It's not really anything you can look for. I hope you are able to move past your depression.
Reply
:iconthewhitejewel:
TheWhiteJewel Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I appreciate you being strong for your son and wish you both the best. :)
Reply
:iconjackel1234:
jackel1234 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student General Artist
I cried at this. It's so emotional and so well written that it just gets to me.
Reply
:iconbeyondmytouch89:
BeyondMyTouch89 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconrainbow-stalker:
rainbow-stalker Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011
you are an amazing, strong person to have come through all of this, and you aren't your mother or father because after all of this you still put your son first, and that it what true love is. you are an inspiration because you've had all that hardship and neglect and still have it in you to love another human being so much that you keep living for them. i hope you find a way of being happy, because you deserve it more than anyone. <3
Reply
:iconlliya:
Lliya Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
I like it. Of course the style seems to be a halfway mark between a story and a poem considering the line lengths and I believe that takes away a little something. It's nice though. You could try and make it into a true poem, one that rhymes, but I suppose that would take away the realism and making it into a story would take away some of the power and probably induce disturbing images. I have no idea why you posted this, but I like it all the same.
Reply
:iconkismet-infrared:
Kismet-Infrared Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011
I'm sorry.
Reply
:iconbeyondmytouch89:
BeyondMyTouch89 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011
thanks, but you didnt do it. :hug:
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